A more hopeful Valentine’s day?

“Nature bore us related to one another … She instilled in us a mutual love and made us compatible … Let us hold everything in common; we stem from a common source. Our fellowship is very similar to an arch of stones, which would fall apart, if they did not reciprocally support each other.”

Being inside of relationships, being outside of relationships, wanting, not wanting, in love silently, terrified by commitment, I’ve seen a whole bunch of different sides of different coins on February 14th.

Of course I could riff on and on about the commercial trappings of this holiday, and how it leads so many to crush so many others under the weight of colossal expectations, or I could drone on about the decidedly unromantic and apocryphal origins of the holiday as a Christian tradition rooted in beheadings and story-telling.

But that can all rest in the dusty past.

What we should concern ourselves with, is a different kind of love, a better kind of love. Seneca in the passage above speaks to our common nature as humans, of how we were born here to rely on one another, as we are decidedly a communal species. In this life some of us are the base stones, and some of us are perched precipitously within the arch, and then there are the keystones, the people we rely most on, to help us keep everything together.

Like those stones, we’re closer to some than others, and for others in our lives, we play different parts. This is because love doesn’t have to be everything to everyone. To some the purest and greatest form of love you can give is to simply understand differences, and in turn it’s possible the best we can do somedays is to give our fellow man a wide berth, if we can’t always be someone for them to lean on.

That’s the miracle of love, and the human condition, and our relationship as an individual to the main – we are all these different stones, and to others we play all these different roles.

Seneca in his life lost a son and his first wife. In his time of exile from Rome to a far off land Seneca’s mother too, lost her son. And so from grief, and from sorrow, and from separation, comes a whole different view on love: appreciation, if we are able to look upon life in that fashion:

“Joy comes to us from those whom we love even when they are absent… when present, seeing them and associating intimately with them yields real pleasure”

For some love is a fire that burns bright, setting alight the world around them. For others love is quiet, and bashful, unbeknownst to another soul beyond the beholder. For others still love has been silenced completely, given to death and whatever is beyond in perpetuity. It is a cruel bit of irony, that that final love is the truest kind; as there are no vices, no further evil, no stronger a test than can otherwise disprove it’s permanence than the archway that is the final door. For those still here, that love us, and that we love, let us be mindful that while we live, we will fail, and come up short, and so too will those around us. Love then, should be as much about forgiving as it is forgiveness.

So let Valentine’s day be a chance to love one another in our own ways – to be good to one another, to forgive one another, and most importantly to try and understand one another. As we’re all here simply to lean on and be leaned upon each other, otherwise it all falls apart.

Mason and the Carousel

Surrounded by his books and toys, it was an old carousel just now that caught Mason’s eye. Dusty, missing one of its feet, patina faded from various campaigns atop sun-lit shelves or submerged beneath mountains of disparate toys, it would hardly be considered alluring. Nevertheless, we took it down for inspection.

Mason in his curiosity was a cooing bundle of words in his own language, hands and eyes exploring the horses and their riders. My thoughts were reserved, after all, what is new under the sun this day? Mason harbored neither pre-conceptions nor expectations, simply curiosity.

When the little guy’s hands found the lever which should compel the horses onward, he had no reason not to draw it to him. Surely this simple toy in such an advanced state could only serve to disappoint by lack of a payoff; and already my mind was set on finding an acceptable alternative. We live and we learn, and then make due, such is our nature.

And then a surprise. Undaunted by time and to the delight of the boy, in an instant we three were transformed: here were these dulcet chimes warbling their familiar song, onward the horses carried their riders, only just now arrived in a future they had no reason not to await. And where was I? Overcome by the nostalgia for decades past; new nurseries and freshly-painted rooms, meeting new brothers, for bedtime stories and quiet hours alone and the triumphant mornings reunited. All these feelings like a river having burst it’s banks, coursing through me. For the little guy on my lap, something new entirely, and so much less complicated.

This human heart is amazing, these memories and feelings so long forgotten and neglected, losing nothing of their potency and vigor with time. It’s amazing how the most delicate of sounds – even more so than even the greatest rumblings of thunder – can bowl us over, carrying us longingly back into our past. Mason just smiles, there is no reason to feel anything but happy.

A Rejoinder against navigating against the stars of Fate

I see a life together for us.

I see our children, three little boys, and a girl, that perfect little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, I see you doting on all of them, a teacher and a friend, and a great listener, and an even better playmate, doting on them as they grow, blissfully unaware of the world before they were ours.

I see you at the table, it’s breakfast time in spring, the sun is warm and smiling, crowding through the window. I’m so glad I got to be a morning person, to share these hours with you, I read the paper as you make plans, and I laugh at what you’ve just drawn, a goofy caricature of me on the next section ahead in the morning edition.

I follow behind you, as you lead me through the old streets of places you called home, sometimes for days, sometimes, for weeks, sometimes for months. I know these places too, through the glass and darkly, as I recall the way I felt when you told me of them. So long ago, you were here, so happy I am now, to also be here. I thank you for holding my hand during takeoff, I am grateful for your keeping my mind engaged with the crossword puzzles we share, crossing the Atlantic. Life got easier when I climbed my fears, I’m glad you were there waiting for me on the other side.

I see all of these things when I close my eyes, and just until the point where I wake up. All that I have seen, all that I see, are ghosts. Am I, too, your ghost? What will they say to me, those that abide fate beyond our days, that I ignored my dreams, will they cheer that I made them ghosts? Or will they continue to simply stand unmoved, as the endless march of days shamble by their perch over the world; so few of them, after all, are ours, commensurate with their concern.

Your dreams are another’s now, another chapter done, other palms have been won. There are no second chances in your heart, as there are no second chapters in American lives. I should know, I have seen each of these fortunes rise, those surging tides of joy and chance, only to be dragged out along the corals as the tide receded away, intent only on preparing for different days and distant shores. And still I persist in the surf, climbing back upon the beach, and then the stonewall, I drag myself up to your door, and it’s always in the darkness, not unlike my guilt, my shame. I knock, I plead that you should come out, and see me here, to tell you tales of the storms I have weathered, to make you proud of the seas I have crossed to be here with you now. But there is no answer, just the curtains drawn closed and the lamps turned low, and I realize that I am the ghost, I am the cautionary tale of lost love, and my story was never about the seas I crossed or the storms I survived, merely a warning to others about straying too far, a rejoinder against navigating against the stars of fate.

I saw a life together, now I see ghosts.

Because all thoughts are fleeting, and I truly am bird-brained.

A thought I should share, before it fades.

I was sitting on the side porch some day in August, hands clasped in front of me. A nuthatch swooped out of a nearby spruce and came to perch on my finger. As hard as it has been most of the time, I was overjoyed in that moment, and for such an otherwise insignificant reason.

I wondered then, as I wonder now, will that be the last time such a thing occurs for me in my life? I hope not, but it’s certainly possible, if not probable.

As I recall that moment I remember helping a nuthatch who had been caught inside a bird feeder out and back onto his way. If that was his or nature’s reward I can consider it paid in full.

I wanted to share, because I don’t want to forget.

History repeats itself, as the US opts to indiscriminately arm anti-Assad rebels in Syria.

Breaking: Washington Airdrops Tons of Weapons to Rebels in Syria

The byline should read: Affiliation, experience, and motives be damned.

So here is the strategy dreamed up by the Beltway’s best and brightest: replay the 1980s US proxy war against the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. It is the resurrection of the Zbigniew Brzezinski plan to create and arm the Mujahideen to take out Russia in Syria as they took out the USSR in Afghanistan.

The outcome of the efforts of both the Soviets and the United States in the 1980’s was a war-torn Afghanistan with no clear victories, progress, or plan for the future. Just high body counts, destruction, and a power-vacuum set for filling by war lords and battle-hardened (and well-armed) militants.

Fast forward to 2015, and both the US and the Russians are at it again, yet somehow expecting different results.

The Psychology of Gun Violence.

Following recent media reports of high-profile mass shootings, a Republican assemblywoman from Nevada is calling for an investigation into whether pharmaceutical psychiatric medications commonly taken by mass murderers can cause side effects that may contribute to their mental health decline.

According to KSNV Las Vegas, GOP Assemblywoman Michele Fiore says that, rather than blaming mass shootings on the guns used by the perpetrators, studies should be done on the drugs that many of them have a history of having taken to treat mental health disorders.

There should be no stigmas attached to mental health, and/or seeking and receiving treatment, but we should also do everything possible to better understand the potential side effects/possibilities of prescribing drugs whose primary functions are to alter brain chemistry/regulate mood, which as a society we are opting for with increasing frequency.

Nevada GOP Legislator Calls for Study on Links Between Pharmaceuticals, Mass Killers

Health Care [Directly] for the people.

“Good MD, a [ Rochester, NY] primary care office set up this year, charges patients a single, flat monthly fee for unlimited visits. Monthly charges are based on age, and extra services—whether stitches or strep throat tests—are provided for an additional fee, posted online and in the office. The practice doesn’t accept private insurance at all. The result is a system that benefits not third-party payers, but doctors and patients, Good MD founder Dr. Thuc Huynh, told local TV station WROC. “Insurance isn’t who reimburses me or dictates what we do together in terms of our treatment. So, it’s a direct financial relationship.”

Supply Side Health Care Reform in so many words, is a drum I’ve been beating for a few years now. Effectively, the path to true, and fiscally sustainable healthcare reform is found on a micro level. As forward thinking Doctors and medical practitioners realize they are more effectively able to administer to the needs of their patients without an unwieldy third party involved, they will do so. On the other side of the coin, if patients are made aware of fees and pricing up front, with no painful delays, or bureaucracy to deal with, and can realize high quality care, they will seek this out.

On the macro level, some necessary changes must be made:

1. Eliminate the controls the government has instituted. This includes eliminating unnecessary licensing and permit rules which simply enable the existing status quo. Healthcare providers would be enabled to start a practice with the intent to provide care directly to consumers, and also price competitively. In this case, healthcare professionals will price themselves into or out of business, from this, market controls will establish costs NOT the government (which is the reason medicaid et al. fees are artificially high).

2.  Absolutely eliminate the taxpayer mandate which is effectively an involuntary “opt-in” for nationalized healthcare. How can a system which will only work if everyone contributes, and some unfairly more than others even be considered a functioning system? If the individual, families, groups, organizations, and companies are allowed to shop, and create their own personal health care solution, the individual stands to win. If the individual is forced to subsidize a big government system, then big government continues to win.

3. Cap malpractice litigation, which is a major contributor to the high cost of healthcare.

This is what the future of health care reform could look like: It’s provider-driven. It’s consumer-focused, with an emphasis on both price and service. And while Good MD isn’t the only doctor’s office to try variations on this model, it’s happening at the margins—at individual practices across the country.

Thirteen years after.

The world changed irrevocably thirteen years ago today. It is difficult to try and parse meaning from so many deaths, and such malevolence; in New York City that morning and in the world at large since. It is also hard to understand what is better, and what is worse, as we cannot judge the times we are born into, we can only do our best to change them. As we are living, we owe this much to those taken before they were given that full chance. When it gets down to it, that’s really all we’re here for.

The Road goes ever on and on: A reflection on leaving the company I helped start.

This past week I left my position at the company I helped start four years ago. To be certain, this was a difficult decision. Though, what would’ve been much more difficult would have been staying.

F Scott Fitzgerald once posited that “the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” Now I’m not suggesting that my psyche is of any rate or order approaching quality, rather, that the past year or so has been an exercise in functioning while being torn by opposing ideas. In the end the struggle was always between my convictions and acquiescing to the status quo that is pervasive today throughout both society and business. In this case, the status quo is living an unexamined life, following orders without ever considering why or what they’re there for, and working mindlessly in the mold and under the banner, of, “well that’s the way things have always been done.”

And while the past years weren’t all good (none ever are), they also weren’t all bad, either (we’ll have plenty of uneventful days when we’re gone!). In that vein, I’ve learned invaluable lessons about growth, leadership, management, and out and out tenacity and perseverance that no B School or life coach could ever hope to impart, for which I am absolutely grateful, and much the better having come through it (At the same time, it sure would’ve been a lot easier to simply read about it than live it, but that’s life, and I’m here for the ride).

Some of the things which struck me the most in reflecting on this period of my life;

• I’m absolutely grateful for the customers and clients who put up with me through these past several years, and have become like an extended family for me.
• The support and strength of my family and my close friends, who had to sacrifice just as much if not more than me (simply by being in my corner at times, but also having to put up with my many moods, and distracted states, and long hours) by proxy.
• The guys I worked with day in and day out through both the good times, and the bad in our effort to create and work at a truly great company. As far as my team goes, I’ll always recall fondly the risks they took to join me on the journey, and certainly the loyalty and dedication they showed, and continue to show. And I point this out simply because I’d be remiss if I didn’t.

Any one man’s dreams can be as big as the universe, and that is fine. Me? I’m wise enough (just enough) though, to realize it’s absolutely mandatory to surround yourself with the kind of people that make you feel as big as your dreams, that can push you along in the direction of your dreams, and most importantly, pick you up and support you on the days when you don’t much feel like chasing them anymore. Be ever on the lookout for those sort of people, surround yourself with those people, foster those people, reward those people, and never lose those people. If you do that, good times, good things, and joy and celebrations will be ever present in your collective wake.

For the curious among you readers, if you have any questions about how I got to this point, I’m more than happy to answer each and every one of them, but it is not what has been done, but what is to be done about it that is most important.

And, so, what is to be done next?

My stated goal now is to build a better mouse trap, to solve more problems, to be good to those who have been good to me, and generally be the best version of me, doing the most interesting and worthwhile things I can think of, both personally, and professionally.

In that respect, life offers us no conditions, we are here for an undetermined amount of time, faced with an undetermined fate, and with myriad challenges along the way. We don’t have to always smile about what is thrown at us, but we sure as heck always need to fight, we always need to ask questions and love in the same way; loudly, and with conviction.

And so, that’s the plan as I see it: Work hard for as long as you’re given towards something meaningful, and for the greater good of you and yours around you, figure out as many “why’s” as you can along the way (be sure to share what you’ve found with the class), try to try at least everything at least once, and make sure to leave this place better than how you found it.

Well, that’s that! I look forward to this next step in the journey, and new roads. And invite you all to join me.

 

In this country, people are allowed to be morons.

In this country, people are allowed to be morons.

Mark Cuban continues to be front and center in thought and leadership, both in the NBA, as well as the civic and legal arenas, this time weighing in on the Donald Sterling fiasco.

What Donald said was wrong. It was abhorrent. There’s no place for racism in the NBA, any business I’m associated with, and I don’t want to be associated with people who have that position.

But at the same time, that’s a decision I make. I think you’ve got to be very, very careful when you start making blanket statements about what people say and think, as opposed to what they do. It’s a very, very slippery slope.

Again, there’s no excuse for his positions. There’s no excuse for what he said. There’s no excuse for anybody to support racism. There’s no place for it in our league, but there’s a very, very, very slippery slope.

If it’s about racism and we’re ready to kick people out of the league, OK? Then what about homophobia? What about somebody who doesn’t like a particular religion. What about somebody who’s anti-semitic What about a xenophobe?

In this country, people are allowed to be morons.

This brings us again to the point of acceptance, and begs the question of what tolerance truly is? Should Sterling’s racist comments be tolerated? No. And yet, what is the punishment for someone having a closed mind, or negative thoughts? This is a line that should never be drawn. Actions are, and should be punishable. Has Sterling taken discriminatory actions in the past? Yes. Has he been punished for them? Yes, and he should be, each and every time.

The real danger would be to bring together an omnipotent thought and culture police who would tear down any and all thinking which does not jibe with the cultural and societal norm of the day. This would of course lead to the inevitable and undesirable reality where people are no longer allowed to have opinions or beliefs at all (right or wrong) just one officially enforced opinion.

Returning to the micro level again, I suspect Sterling is on his way out, but should not be forced out by the league, but rather by the players (his employees), the fans, and the corporate sponsors. If the players stop playing, if the fans stop coming, and buying merchandise, and the sponsor stop paying him to run ads, then the people who have voted this man into power for so long with their blood, sweat, tears, and money, will have very quickly, and effectively – and in no uncertain terms – made it clear that remaining owner of the Clippers is a losing proposition, universally across the board.

As the power of free will and individual liberty allows for people to say stupid things, so does it provide for people to react appropriately and accordingly.